What Are Some Reasons The Guy Having Dating Wont Add On Facebook
Miranda has been with her lover, Daniel*, for nearly two years. They’ve gone on road trips across the nation, shared holidays, and supported each other through family and health problems. They’re even planning to live together in the near future. Despite the fact that Daniel isn’t Miranda’s first boyfriend, he is the first one she’s ever spoken about on social media.
Daniel was not on Facebook or Instagram when they met, in stark contrast to Miranda, who uses social media to chronicle her life and career. Miranda was astonished by how positive the response was when she started sharing Daniel’s tales and pictures.
She added of the reaction postings she got from her network of more than 4,000 Facebook friends, “I’d been single for a long time, but it seemed a bit excessive.” “Then I realized later that no one had ever seen me in a relationship in all the time I’d been on Facebook.”
Miranda had spent almost five years with a partner who had a firm rule that their relationship should never be recorded in any form on the Internet before beginning her connection with Daniel. He was resolved not to be bothered by an internet stalker again after being hounded by one a few years before he met Miranda.
What was meant to be self-preservation for him, however, was inadvertently damaging to Miranda, who said that her ex’s vow of silence regarding their relationship made her feel like he was embarrassed to be with her. “I understood his concern,” she added, “but it was always a point of conflict for me because I felt unappreciated.” “And it was made worse because when I said that I felt unappreciated, he would attempt to make it sound as if I was being silly because it was a vanity issue or that I needed outside affirmation or something.”
Miranda isn’t the only one who feels this way: Almost a quarter of the almost 2,000 married individuals surveyed by the law firm Slater and Gordon fought weekly—and 17% argued daily—as a result of social media use. However, in today’s hyperconnected world, such conflict may seem to be an unavoidable aspect of existence. So, how do you stay away from it? For some couples, this means completely disconnecting from the internet.
On the first day, Alan and Kevin* selected this choice. The now-engaged couple has no clue what the other is saying on Facebook, despite the fact that they boast about being able to do house renovations together without arguing. Kevin had a stipulation that he would never be Facebook friends with anybody he was dating, which Alan admits upset him. He attempted to befriend Kevin many times in the hopes of “wearing him down.” Kevin, on the other hand, would not budge.
Kevin, whose postings often show his caustic, sarcastic, and sometimes vulgar style of humor, adds, “I don’t want to have an online connection with my real-life person.” “I don’t want to be judged by his friends or family, and I don’t want outrageous things I say to cause trouble with someone he cares about.”
Maybe he’s onto something. While connecting on social media may seem to be a simple method to get access to an infinite amount of information, sharing too much information about someone new too soon may be harmful to a relationship.
That was not a problem for Daniel and Miranda. He dated Miranda for nearly a year before creating a Facebook account, and even then, his goal was to keep up with Miranda’s friends’ comments on postings in which he was tagged. The two changed their accounts to indicate they were “in a relationship” the day he joined, eliciting a barrage of comments from Miranda’s acquaintances. They were ebullient and upbeat, to the point that Miranda was annoyed by them.
Miranda described the comments as “everyone and their uncle stating all these things about my relationship,” many of which came from individuals she had never met in person and who had never commented on anything she had made regarding her work life. “I was thinking to myself, ‘This is some strangely gendered nonsense right now.’ Could my job pique your curiosity more than the fact that I have a date?’
The absence of social media in Miranda and Daniel’s life as they came to know one other may have contributed to their relationship’s durability. According to Psychology Today, the more one person in a relationship uses the Internet, the more tension there is in the relationship. In contrast, 48 percent of individuals who waited a month or more before friending their partner on social media were in a long-term relationship.
Many single individuals may alter their behaviors after learning that, although the urge to friend or follow someone after a first date is powerful, it may be harmful to the relationship. After a first date, almost half(42%) of respondents to a study conducted by WhatsYourPrice.com friended or followed someone, and they dated that individual for less than a month. Some optimistic lovebirds didn’t even wait until the first date before friending someone. Twenty-five percent of those who were eager to date only dated for one month, and 34% dated for fewer than six months. Only 12% of those who friended their date immediately after meeting them lasted longer than six months.
Alan and Kevin aren’t particularly active on social media, only posting two or three times a month on average—a stark contrast to Tracy*, who updates her Facebook many times a day with snarky and dramatic postings but isn’t linked to Scott*, her closest male friend, in any manner online.
Several times a week, the two get together to cook and watch their favorite television programs. She had access to his flat and assisted him in putting up a Christmas tree. However, they are not Facebook friends. Tracy explains that their real-life relationship is so great that she doesn’t want to disrupt it by bringing it online.
“It has the potential to alter how someone looks at you, and I’m not sure I want that,” she added. “I’m not sure whether I want that tampered with. Why would you add this additional layer before you’ve really built a connection with someone who is experiencing you in an authentic way?”
It’s a lesson she’s had to learn the hard way before. Tracy was Facebook friends with her last significant boyfriend, who told her he was shocked by how different she was in person compared to what he had anticipated based on her online presence. “You sound lot more hostile on the internet,” he said.
According to Robi Ludwig, Psy.D., a psychologist and author of Your Best Age is Now, the meticulous maintenance of an online image is sometimes intentional and deceptive, which may cause anxieties or misconceptions. “It’s almost as if everyone is their own publicist, and it’s essential to remember that what you’re seeing is exactly what they want you to see. However, I don’t believe that many people are aware of this.”
Tracy’s choice to stay off social media makes their relationship genuine, since it prevents her from projecting her hopes and expectations onto another person based on their profile updates and shared pictures. She said, “You’re simply building up a person based on their [social media] signals.” “However, you may create whatever sort of narrative you choose. People may take bits and pieces of you and fill in the gaps to create an inaccurate image of you.”
According to psychologist Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., the key deciding factor in whether or not to connect online is maturity. And that maturity is frequently gained via offline and in-person interactions.
While browsing through pictures of your love may seem amusing at the time, it may distract from the genuine enthusiasm that comes with the start of a relationship, according to Dr. Ludwig. Curiosity for the unknown is necessary for establishing a relationship with someone. “If you’re going to know all there is to know about that person via cyberstalking or social networking, maybe you get a bad feeling about something you see and the relationship isn’t at a place where that can or should be discussed,” she adds.
While most of us have been compelled to explore a love possibility in secret, such research doesn’t necessarily end after a relationship is made “Facebook official.” Even with their long-term spouses, Dr. Raymond says her patients have voiced sorrow and resentment over social media contacts. She describes it as “triggering dread of adultery and envy.” “When they discover that their social media postings don’t match what they’re saying to one other orally, they accuse each other of lying.” Furthermore, if they aren’t giving you the Instagram love you want, you may conclude that they aren’t satisfying you in real life—whether or not this is true.
While it comes to publicizing our relationships, both Dr. Raymond and Dr. Ludwig stress the need of maturity and self-awareness when dipping a toe into the realm of social media.
Last Thoughts
After all, it’s obvious that the Internet has an unmistakable effect on our IRL social lives when romantic dates are bragmed about on Facebook, anniversaries are celebrated on Instagram, and wedding receptions feature custom-created hashtags. Tracy’s first question when I informed her Alan and Kevin were engaged but not Facebook friends was, “How are they going to invite people to their wedding?”
